For Amy
I was learning the drum beat of this excellent song when the lyrics started oozing out. Pure confidence. Step into the shadow if you're tryna hide your silhouette When they stab you in the back, trust me, they ain't finished yet Had 'em on they toes got em doing Pirouette All this fake love got me feeling I'm the realest here You know what the deal is here She can do this without me, yeah, that's they biggest fear You didn't know, niggas wanna take credit for something they never owned Talking on my name like the Devil is in your tone Don't you know I'm God's child? Got here on my own Turn wine into water and get blood out of the stone You give me an inch and want it back Man, I've been through this All problems deep rooted Lost love, and they need Cupid No time for your words Please don't smart talk if you been stupid Oh, damn, she ruthless Been proven Beethoven no keys, deep music When they drums speak to me, I just breathe through it Cool with a little flare, how does she do it? I don't try too hard, there's an ease to it The price goes up when you add me to it Then up again when you add Dean to it When the family tight, can't see through it Look around if you tryna find out who you are Now, you got a missing piece, I was the biggest part You gotta look inside yourself Your insecurity won't break me down You only see the silhouette, but don't hold your breath I'm protected by the light, realise you can't crush my soul Yeah, used to have a bond And now I see you as no friend of mine Couldn't see it at the time, God was showing many signs Guard up with my eyes on very wide Sitting here reflecting on myself and sipping cherry wine Like we shoulda been chopping You thought I didn't see the change, but, I been clocking I'm very wise Never knew how much I needed to set some boundaries If you are a fan of me, how can you be mad at me? Letting go isn't easy, I'll admit and it saddens me If you knew how this has made me question my sanity How could I ever doubt my truth and what I'm feeling? It's better revealing, we all need some healing Racking my brain tryna discover the meaning Who even knows I had to look deep within' to find what I was seeking Laying down, eyes closed, no sleeping No appetite, I was barely eating 100 miles per hour, my heart beating While I know I got an army that I'm leading Tyrna figure it out, bobbing and weaving Compassion I've been needing, now, it's unfolding I ain't even finished yet Light was shining on you, now I see you as a silhouette Find your way Find your faith God's with you always If this is evolution, I'm in luck Cos, I don't wanna be here and be stuck Wish we could've transitioned together I gave you all I had, gave you my trust No one ever tells you when it's fucked No one ever tells you it'll probably leave you crushed That's when you find the strength and pick yourself up I know I'ma get through this is a must Growing is painful, we cannot be rushed Used to seeing your name pop up but, I'll adjust Everybody giving their opinion When really, I should listen to my gut No more kindness for weakness So pull up with that bullshit and I'll nip it in a bud Better do the work, If you ain't looked in the mirror yet I don't wanna live my life being a silhouette Your insecurity won't break me down You only see the silhouette, but don't hold your breath I'm protected by the light, realise you can't crush my soul Ooo Ooo Oooo Ooo Ooo Oooo Ooo Ooo Oooo Ooooo Time will heal you Time will heal you Find your way Find your faith God's with you always Time will heal you Time will heal you Find your way Find your faith God's with you always
Have you ever heard the sound of a soundproof room? Have I grown bored of this extremely rare listening experience I've afforded myself with my career? I alternate bursts of high productivity and bursts of authopiloting that bitch. Some weeks, I feel like my day-today is an extended Biggest Splash contest. On tired days, I do a perfect pencil instead. No splash.
Castle building
Our house-versary is approaching. Buying a house, and selling and moving is some of our greatest work together. Also, raising our first dog. I'm thinking about tip-toeing around the holes in the ground left by those mighty falls from above -pieces of our lives falling from a branch, plummeting through. We could both easily cry. Our lives feel heavy don't they? What'd you eat today? On the way back,northbound, from a walk to Francis Park where we played pickleball, our house is a castle.
"Barking" (2024) Foxing I stared at my clothes too long Now all of them look like cicada shells From something once young They're from somebody else I heard my friend barking today I could have sworn on his grave I danced for the cat and dog But either and neither will not fall Kissing yourself to prime the rain I can hear the clouds yelling back I can feel the water in the air I can hear someone yelling Kissing yourself to prime the rain I can hear the clouds yelling back I can feel the water in the air I can hear someone yelling I played my guitar yesterday It didn't seem to fall in tune Like it used to Like I used to I heard my friend talking today I could have sworn on his grave I danced for the cat and dog But either and neither will fall Kissing yourself to prime the rain I can hear the clouds yelling back I can feel the water in the air I can hear someone yelling Kissing yourself to prime the rain I can hear the clouds yelling back I can feel the age in my voice I can hear someone yelling Kissing yourself to prime the rain
What's wrong with me? What's wrong with us?
"Greyhound" (2024) Foxing I've been feeling like I can't come up for air For these last ten years What's wrong with me? What's wrong with us? It's like I'm trying to find the beauty underwater | All I do is focus on my breath And there's nothing I can do but laugh So I laugh at my telephone | Look at how beautiful the telephone can be Look at how he loves me I feel like I'm in a dream that's described by friend I am in but have no interest hearing It means nothing to me I had a dream of the present eating past Like a blue whale grazing in the Table Rock Oversized and underfed I had a chance to amend what was wrong But the wrong was still to come so the whale had run aground Heaving breaths over time | soothed itself like a child Until it disintegrated I admit it meant nothing to me It means nothing to me It means nothing to me I've been feeling like my peak is in my past | And my leg is tangled, trapped in the coral now Dropping everything I love to the bottom of the pond | Just to free my fingers up, pry the polyps off But the will is in the wave | Just to suffocate and break every spirit, every vital sign We'll get fooled again We will get fooled again But oh, I've been feeling like I ain't got nothing left to give...
- Salvador Dali
Amy, we all need and deserve to be seen. I wonder: Have we found ourselves "encouraging" each other in perverted ways? Admitadly, it feels like I challenge you to succeed passive-aggressively. It feels like your challenges to me, however well-intended, aren't serving our situation right now.